ANNOUNCER:
The delegates are going a little crazy holding up signs and waving banners like Chavez Rules! & Bush Bash!
The ref tonight is Kofi Anan, and here comes Chavez!
You-GO! YOU-GO!
The chants are filling the arena and now......
The Gnarls Barkley version of 'Here Comes The Chief,' and the Chief himself hits the spotlight!
D-D-D-D-D-D-OUBLE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!
Wait, Chavez puts on some devil horns -- that is Just. Not. Right.
OOOOOOOOOOOOO - W gives him the finger and look out! Hugo jumps on the top rope and takes out W before he can even get in the ring!
Now Mahmoud Ahmadinejad comes in and --- wow! Whacks W on the head with a chair!
Hugo is choking W with a headphone cable!
Anan is trying to break it up -- but now Chavez picks Anan up and body slams him!
UNBELIEVABLE!
Anan is laying there!
Here comes Blair! Tony Blair is running down the aisle! He flying tackles Ahmadinejad!
All hell is breaking loose!
And WHAT! IS! THIS! The Pope Himself!
The Holy Father appears to be at the back door whacking someone with a crooked stick.
Oh My God!
It's The Invisible Sheik himself!
Bin Ladin!
Now El Papa is spinning Bin Ladin in the air and OMPH!
He does a triple crown beat down of Bin Ladin!
And look! W is on the top of the ropes and BUSH BASH! He takes out Chavez with his signature move!
He's grabbing the champion's belt!
The crowd is going nuts!
Blair & Bush slapping hands in the ring!
Bin Laden still hasn't moved!
The crowed is going nuts!
Bush & Blair are strutting around the ring!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Fidel Castro and his Army of Green Fatigued Guerrillas are swarming into the ring and pelting the Double B's with rolled cigars!
Anan is back on his feet but he's fleeing the scene!
Chaos, ladies & gentlemen!
What! A! Match!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Bob Dylan's editor has issues with latest submission.
Dear Bob,
I have been going over your latest submission and I must say I am as confused as a stoned motor-cyclist riding on a wet road without a helmet.
Please, sir, we have been over many of these points before. I will say one last time: Clarity and grammatical rules are paramount in communicating with words. Simply put, your flights of poetic fancy leave much to be desired.
Here are my notes on your latest effort ‘All Along The Watchtower.’
"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief.
First off, you have not prepared the reader for this unlikely conversation between a joker and a thief. And what exactly is a joker anyway? Non-specific allusion cloud the meaning of your thoughts. Please revise.
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
I could not agree more. I am confused. Instantly the reader is lost. While I appreciate the effort to rhyme, one would think a less indecisive adjective would serve. Please chose another.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth.
It would seem to me plowmen plow, not dig and businessmen would be more likely to drink gin than wine. Please re-consider.
"None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."
Really, Bob, why make such sweeping generalizations? None of them know? Not a single one? And what specfically do you mean by use of the word ‘it?’ What ‘it’ are you referring to?
"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke."
This seems to be a mixing of defined character. Let me see if I follow this. A thief is talking to joker and maintains the position that ‘life is but a joke.’ In other words, there is no tension in this debate, no conflict. I would assume a ‘joker’ also thinks life is a joke. A joke would be a joker’s raison d’etre. To build dramatic tension I would think a thief might say life is not a joke at all. Please re-set the metaphor.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate.
Been through what, Bob? At this point the reader is completely lost and you are making no attempt to explain the situation. A thief and a joker are discussing what exactly? If you don’t know, how can the reader?
"So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."
Has something been said that is untrue? We have had no sense of a lie being told. How is the reader to follow such leaps?
All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
And now, without preparation, other characters appear. So far we have a joker, a thief and now some princes. Do you understand how difficult this is to edit and comprehend? I would suggest a quick review of Aristotle’s ‘Poetics.’
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl.
Where are these women going and coming from? And why assume servants are barefooted? I must say, this smacks of a certain elitism and perhaps even a post-modernist classism. Please revise.
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.
This is your conclusion? Wild cats, horses and a storm? Bob, I am sorry to say we must reject this latest effort. If you continue to submit such off handed and unformed pieces, we will be forced to cancel your contract.
I look forward to your revisions.
Regards,
Gerald Meaney, Editor.
I have been going over your latest submission and I must say I am as confused as a stoned motor-cyclist riding on a wet road without a helmet.
Please, sir, we have been over many of these points before. I will say one last time: Clarity and grammatical rules are paramount in communicating with words. Simply put, your flights of poetic fancy leave much to be desired.
Here are my notes on your latest effort ‘All Along The Watchtower.’
"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief.
First off, you have not prepared the reader for this unlikely conversation between a joker and a thief. And what exactly is a joker anyway? Non-specific allusion cloud the meaning of your thoughts. Please revise.
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
I could not agree more. I am confused. Instantly the reader is lost. While I appreciate the effort to rhyme, one would think a less indecisive adjective would serve. Please chose another.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth.
It would seem to me plowmen plow, not dig and businessmen would be more likely to drink gin than wine. Please re-consider.
"None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."
Really, Bob, why make such sweeping generalizations? None of them know? Not a single one? And what specfically do you mean by use of the word ‘it?’ What ‘it’ are you referring to?
"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke."
This seems to be a mixing of defined character. Let me see if I follow this. A thief is talking to joker and maintains the position that ‘life is but a joke.’ In other words, there is no tension in this debate, no conflict. I would assume a ‘joker’ also thinks life is a joke. A joke would be a joker’s raison d’etre. To build dramatic tension I would think a thief might say life is not a joke at all. Please re-set the metaphor.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate.
Been through what, Bob? At this point the reader is completely lost and you are making no attempt to explain the situation. A thief and a joker are discussing what exactly? If you don’t know, how can the reader?
"So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."
Has something been said that is untrue? We have had no sense of a lie being told. How is the reader to follow such leaps?
All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
And now, without preparation, other characters appear. So far we have a joker, a thief and now some princes. Do you understand how difficult this is to edit and comprehend? I would suggest a quick review of Aristotle’s ‘Poetics.’
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl.
Where are these women going and coming from? And why assume servants are barefooted? I must say, this smacks of a certain elitism and perhaps even a post-modernist classism. Please revise.
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.
This is your conclusion? Wild cats, horses and a storm? Bob, I am sorry to say we must reject this latest effort. If you continue to submit such off handed and unformed pieces, we will be forced to cancel your contract.
I look forward to your revisions.
Regards,
Gerald Meaney, Editor.
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